


Emmoni

by Anemoso



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 02:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemoso/pseuds/Anemoso
Summary: Something is wrong with Genji. His body is failing him, there's no other explanation. He's not sure if Zenyatta can help.





	Emmoni

**Author's Note:**

> ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ 
> 
> i'll be real this is more of a character study/projection of hypochondria with fluff bc genyatta makes everything better right. 
> 
> (also if you're like hey, why the fuck do you use dumb Greek words for your fic titles all the time? it's because i need to use that degree in Ancient Greek for Something alright)

There was something wrong. There had to be something wrong. It wasn't as obvious as something rattling around or a warning showing up on his visor, but Genji had felt odd for over a week now. 

He'd run a diagnostic check once, twice, and nothing came up. 

It didn't stop him from worrying. He hadn't had a check up in over a year, he was well overdue for it. If any of his prosthetics stopped working properly, it could create hell in his system. He'd been through this before, when his system stopped functioning almost completely and nearly killed him again. 

He took a deep breath, tried to recenter himself. It was fine, he was fine, even if his chest felt tighter than usual. Even if he could feel a headache developing behind his eyes. Even if he felt like his eyes weren't focusing properly on what was in front of him. 

He quickly ran another diagnostic check- nothing. He was fine, his checks never failed him before. 

He hadn't had his diagnostic check looked at in over three years, however. Maybe it was wrong. It had been before, in his prototype- no, but this body was stronger, better than his previous one. He was fine. 

It was probably nothing more than fatigue. He hadn't been sleeping well lately, the news of Overwatch’s recent dismantlement weighing heavily on him. He didn't even learn of it until months after it happened. 

He left Blackwatch in the middle of the night a year ago, unable to stand it any more and taking off without telling anyone. He was sure Athena may have caught his escape, would have alerted Reyes, but in the end no one came after him. They had the resources, the best trackers in the world, but no one followed. He wasn't sure if he preferred being left completely alone or not. 

He felt bad about it later, really bad. He wondered what Mccree was doing without him, always so insistent that they sit together during meals and training together when they had the chance.

He hoped that maybe Mccree would be the one to push Angela to bed after a long day of work in the lab, something which had become Genji’s pseudo-job after 6 years of living in the medical ward. He never did move out of there like he was promised, the cybernetists too paranoid that his prosthetics would fail him without constant supervision, which, granted, they had several times on missions. Even once he was out of his prototype and into the sleek self sustaining model, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He tried to tell himself it was just because he wasn't fond of change, and not paranoia that he would one day fall asleep and not wake up without Angela there to monitor him. 

He thought of Lena, hoped she was ok. The last time he saw her she was flitting in and out of existence after her accelerator had been crushed by Doomfist. He enjoyed watching her come into her own over the two years she'd been with overwatch, and had grown into one of the few people he counted as a friend. 

But, he left all that behind. One night he couldn't take it anymore- he was just an assassin, a weapon to them, and obviously not a very good one if he couldn't take out everyone put in front of him. The only people who cared had their own problems to deal with, why should he intrude on them and make it worse? He shouldn't, shouldn't have even stayed once his family was destroyed. If he had left earlier, they could have sent someone competent to deal with Doomfist, and maybe Lena would still be around. 

With all these thoughts swirling around his head, he left. Fled into the night without a word to anyone. 

Months into his travels he was lost, alone, and ready to give up everything. He guessed he was somewhere in India, but he hadn't bothered learning where. It was here he met Zenyatta, who took him in despite his protests and practically dragged him unwilling up to the Shambali monastery. 

He had stayed because he didn't have anywhere to go, and then he stayed for Zenyatta. The persistent omnic had wormed his way into his life and his head, convincing him that he maybe isn't just a weapon and maybe he is more than the constraints of his body. 

What truly made him stay, even though he refused to say it out loud, was the fact that Zenyatta seemed to keep track of his systems, fan speed, temperatures, everything. He had made little mentions of it, how somedays Genji ran hot or his fans were running harder than usual. Just knowing that someone other than himself was keeping track of him… helped. 

It helped, immensely, more so than Genji could even describe, but even still he knew he couldn't stay. He had already intruded too much, Zenyatta needed to get back to his own life and not constantly take care of Genji. Genji really couldn't become too dependent again, not like he had with Angela. 

He stayed through winter, deciding once the snow melted and once communications were back up that he would leave. He would save the signal to the monastery so he could at least contact Zenyatta, which was more than he allowed himself with his other friends. 

He didn't know where he'd go, honestly. Trying to go back to Overwatch was almost out of the question, almost. If he ran out of options. He could try traveling again, although the last attempt he made ended up with him forgetting to take care of himself for months.

He could just stay. He entertained the idea daily, staying somewhere clearly safe and out of the way, with someone who was capable of helping him… 

He really shouldn't get too dependent. Getting dependent on his father got him killed, getting dependent on Angela stagnated his recovery. He needed to do things himself, alone. 

But, when communications were back, he was greeted with the news of Overwatch’s fall. 

Reyes was gone, Mccree was missing, Angela was missing- all at once any fall back plan he had was shattered.

Ever since then, his body has felt off. Something had to be wrong. Diagnostic checks showed nothing the first three times, maybe if he did a deeper one? 

Diagnostic check number four showed nothing wrong. 

///

“Genji, are you alright?” 

He twitched, surprised out of his weak meditation attempt by the omnic’s voice. 

It had been a few days, and a few more checks later. He'd noticed a part of his arm had come loose, making the connection between his forearm and elbow slightly faulty. It wasn't noticeable unless you were looking for it, his arm having occasionally jerking a little from the fault. 

It bothered him, every time he looked at his arm he noticed it. When he tried to ignore it, he just felt like it was even more obvious. 

He tried jogging around the monastery to distract himself. It helped for a while, but the second he stopped and spotted his arm again, all the unease came right back. Training made his arm jerk harder, made it more noticeable, so he quickly gave that up. 

So now he was trying to meditate with Zenyatta, but his focus was so shit. The whole time, he felt like his eyes were unfocused, like there was a hole burning through his arm. 

“I ah, I'm fine,” he lied, hoping that Zenyatta wouldn't call him out on it. 

No such luck there, as Zenyatta tilted his head and said, “You know you may speak to me of your troubles, I am here to help. You are not a burden.” 

He repressed a flinch, the omnic had taken to saying that a lot lately, ever since Genji expressed just the barest hint of feeling like he was weighing Zenyatta down a few weeks ago. “I know- I am just. Uneasy.” 

Zenyatta dropped his floating lotus position, coming to rest gently on the ground. “What is the source of your unease?” 

Genji shifted uncomfortably, unsure if he wanted to talk about it or not. Zenyatta could help, tell him what was actually wrong with him that his diagnostics were clearly missing, but at the same time he was worried that asking Zenyatta would be too much from him. He knew it probably wouldn’t be, he should really just ask, but… 

“Peace, I can feel discord beginning to roll off you.” An orb of harmony landed on him along with the words, a wave of calm passing through him. 

He released the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Ah, thank you.” 

“Of course. You are always welcome to my help, Genji.” 

He laughed quietly, “Yes, yes, I know.” 

Zenyatta hummed, “You say that, but you do not seem keen on taking it up.” He sighed, slouched over. Genji was surprised, he’d never seen the omnic in any position other than pristine. “I do not wish to be a nudge, I wish for you to come to me at your own pace. However, there are some days when I…” He doesn’t finish, instead nervously fidgeted with his hands. 

Without thinking, Genji stretched out his faulty arm towards Zenyatta. “Could… Could you check a connection on my arm?” 

Zenyatta seemed surprised, but quickly hid it. “Of course, yes! Where is the connection?” Genji points to it, on his elbow. Zenyatta takes a moment to examine it, moving his arm around to test the connection properly. “I see there is a circuit that may have lost some charge, nothing serious. All I need to do is-” he pressed into the connection, a small spark making Genji jump, “that. There, is it working properly now?” 

He moved it arm, finding nothing wrong about it now. “It’s fine now, yeah. But, what about this?” He asked, pushing against the slightly loose connector. 

Zenyatta checked it again, saying, “Things tend to loosen with age, you know. It could be tightened, but it would do nothing for you. I would not worry about it, Genji.” 

The warmth in his voice calmed Genji further, thankful that nothing was actually wrong. “Ah, thank you then.” 

///

A week passed, and Genji felt like any progress he’d made here at the monastery was gone. 

His head felt fuzzy, his eyes hurt- he was positive the cybernetics in his eyes were messed up, he swore he was seeing spots in his peripheral vision. His legs were slightly off sync which caused him to stop slower than he wanted- he'd already bumped into Zenyatta’s back or into several of the doors of the monastery several times in the past few days. 

He’d run almost 30 checks since last week, running deep checks during the night when he should be asleep, running smaller checks throughout the day when he felt something tighten. 

When he was distracted, he was fine. Talking with Zenyatta, helping out with chores around the monastery, running errands for the other monks in the village, all of it helped. 

But the second he was alone, he noticed everything was wrong. His body was failing him, it had to be. 

He wanted to talk to Zenyatta about it again, but what could the omnic do? He wasn’t an expert on cyborg physiology, he couldn’t help him if Genji needed a massive fix. Only Angela could do that, and he didn’t know if she was even alive at this point. 

It was near midnight, he was in the middle of a deep check again when there was a soft knock at the door. 

It took him a moment to cancel the check and find his voice, “Y-yes?” 

He heard a sigh from the other side of the door, “Ah, Genji. I had hoped you would be asleep. May I come in?” The voice gave it away- Zenyatta. 

He was confused, why would Zenyatta knock and hope he was asleep? He got up and replaced his visor back onto his face, walked over to the door (narrowly stopped in time so as to not bump into it), and opened it. Zenyatta was floating there, holding a few unlit candles. “Zenyatta?” 

“Would you mind meditating with me?” 

“Uh- sure.” He knew Zenyatta wasn’t there just for that, they had meditated already today. But he wasn’t nearly as good at reading Zenyatta as he was at reading Genji.

Zenyatta set up the candles, and both of them took to their respective poses. Genji remained quiet, hoping that the omnic would explain why he had come here so late. 

Ten minutes later, he was getting impatient and ready to ask for himself, when Zenyatta finally dropped his pose and sighed. “I suppose you are wondering why I’ve come to you at this hour?” At Genji’s apprehensive nod he continued, “I am worried for you. You seem to be having some issues lately that you won’t speak of, and it is weighing upon you terribly. I know I should not try to force help on you, but I truly do want you to feel better.” 

Genji stiffened- how he ever thought that maybe Zenyatta wouldn’t notice his distress was stupid, the omnic always noticed every little problem with him. He was stuck somewhere between wanting to be defensive, claim nothing was wrong, or pour out every concern and issue he had been dealing with regards to his broken body. 

His head was pounding now, eyes burning. He tried to focus, but felt like his vision was tunneling, a black ring encircling him as he tried to stay calm. He wanted to rip off his visor to check, but he couldn’t show his face to Zenyatta- _wouldn’t_ show it, how terrible and terrifying he was now- 

“Genji! Please, relax,” He heard Zenyatta’s voice filter through his harsh breaths, saw his hands hovering besides his arms, unsure of if it was ok to touch or not. Genji made that decision for him, quickly grabbing and squeezing the omnic’s wrists in an attempt to steady himself. “That's it, just breathe in, and out.” 

He attempted to calm down, nearly wheezing in time with Zenyatta. His hands shifted, coming to hold the other’s hands rather than clinging to his wrists. He couldn't see right, things were still blurry, things were still wrong- he could feel another wave of panic coming to choke him before he even calmed down from the first one. 

“Genji, please, focus on me. You are ok, you are safe here.” Genji shook his head, he wasn't ok, his body was failing him, he couldn't _see_ \- his damn visor was fogged up! 

Without thinking, he reached up and released his visor, practically threw it across the room as if it burned him. Without it, the room was clear and sharp, his wheezing still loud in his ears but quieter than before. His eyes locked onto the lamp on the other side of the room, perfectly in focus now that the blur was gone. He still felt like he could see spots in his vision, still felt a lingering ache in his arms, and still felt hyperaware of his legs. 

A hand on his cheek brings him back, startling him into looking at Zenyatta. All at once it slammed into him, what he had done. What he looked like. He tensed, caught between wanting to bolt and wanting to fall into the monk before him. 

“Genji,” his deep voice is punctuated with a squeeze to his hand. “Are you with me?” 

He can't manage much more than a minute nod. He wanted to scream, to shout, to ask what Zenyatta thought of him now, but the hand on his face kept him stunned silent. 

“Good, good.” He released a shaky sigh- or emulated one. He could feel a slight tremble in the omnic’s hand, and it struck him how truly rattled Zenyatta had to be. It probably rivaled how Genji felt at the moment. 

A thumb gently caressed under his eye, pushing at the heavy bags Genji knew were there. “When was the last time you slept?” His voice was so quiet, heavily laced with concern. 

It took Genji longer than he liked to answer- both because he couldn't remember the answer and because his voice refused to work the first few times he tried. “U-uh.. It’s uh… I think- a few d-days.” 

That was, honestly, an understatement. Zenyatta seemed to know that immediately. 

“Oh, Genji,” He pulled the other gently, and next thing Genji knew he was laying back against his cot, an orb of harmony shoved into his hands. At his confused look (oh god his face- Zenyatta could see his face-), the monk said, “Please, you need to try and sleep.” He reached again for his face- hesitated at first but pushed onward to gently rest upon the cyborg’s cheek once more. “At least try for me.” 

He wheezed, too tired to argue, the harmony orb in his hands doing wonders on his aching body. But he couldn't sleep yet, even with his head suddenly hazy and eyes heavy. 

“Z-Zen, I need- something's wrong, I can't find what's wrong- I need, I need to know what wrong-” 

“Shh,” He was cut off by Zenyatta, “Relax. I will check you over while you sleep. You will be alright, Genji.” 

He nodded to the best of his ability, and was out like a light nearly a moment later. 

///

He wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up. The light in the room shining brightly made him think it was the afternoon, except- oh, it was the light from the harmony orb. 

Looking at the window instead showed a dark sky, and his internal clock supplied that it was 7. 7 what? Was it the morning or evening? He felt too fuzzy to determine that right now. 

He heard chimes, and looked to his other side to find Zenyatta, deep in meditation. Or pretending to be meditating. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, letting the harmony orb float away from his body. 

He tried to speak, but ended up in a coughing fit instead. Zenyatta is beside him in an instant, somehow procuring a glass of water. He drank without really thinking, vaguely registering the fact that his visor was still off but not having the energy to deal with it. 

“Easy, do not force yourself anymore than you need to,” Zenyatta said, rubbing his back. He finished the glass of water, and let himself be eased back into laying down. 

“I checked over you while you were asleep, Genji. Do you know what I found?” He perked up, suddenly anxious for what Zenyatta may have found that his own worthless diagnostics failed to notice. 

Zenyatta sighed, “I found you are extremely fatigued, your diagnostic servos are almost short circuiting from overuse, and you had a small malfunction in your left leg.” He patted said leg. “I went ahead and took care of your leg, but the other two, I'm afraid, I cannot fix.” 

Genji pursed his lips, not quite believing it. “But… Then, what about my eyes, they've been hazy lately, not working right-” 

“Fatigue.” 

Shocked, he tried again, “Uh- then, my head’s been pounding-” 

“Fatigue.” 

He grunted, “Why have my fans been running so hot late-” 

“You overused your diagnostic system.” 

Genji sunk back into the cot, fists clenched as he tried to resist the urge to cry. Zenyatta must have missed something, there's no way it was just lack of sleep causing his problems. There had to be something wrong- right? 

A hand rested against his clenched one, easing it to relax before holding it. “Have you always had medical anxiety, Genji?” 

He doesn't answer at first, doesn't want to. But the hand holding his and the quiet chimes eventually wear him down. 

“I … always, I guess.” He remembered as a teenager how many times he went to the doctor for something he thought he had. He was positive he had every major disease at some point- convinced so thoroughly no matter how impossible it actually was. It felt strange to connect that same feeling to what he was going through, so mundane compared to his life now. 

“I see. And am I wrong in guessing that Overwatch’s fall has something to do with it flaring up?” 

Genji hissed, looking away from the omnic at his side. He hated that he was so observant, hated that he should have known that Zenyatta knew he was from Overwatch, but pretended that he didn't. 

Zenyatta hummed, “Anxiety like this tends to become worse during turbulent times, when things happen out of your control. It is not a sign of weakness.” 

He sighed, how did Zenyatta always know what to say? He rolled onto his side so he was facing the omnic fully. “I…” He started, but was surprised when Zenyatta responded by laying down besides him. The monk took ahold of both of his hands. 

“Continue on?” 

Genji swallowed, taken aback by the sudden closeness between them. “I, uh, I think it's bad since my doctor- Dr. Ziegler- wasn't confirmed found yet. She's one of the few people who can actually fix something that's wrong with this body-” 

“Then I have some good news for you, since Dr. Ziegler has been found.” 

Genji’s breath hitched, “What, when?” 

“A few days after the explosion, she showed up in Germany. It was not mentioned as more than an aside in the news, easy to miss for those who don't absorb every piece of information given to them.” 

Genji blinked, stunned once more. To know that Angela was alive was a relief- and knowing he could have just asked Zenyatta about it at any time was frustrating. 

“Genji?” 

He shook his head, “Sorry- sorry, just. Happy, I guess, that she's okay.” 

“Would you like to write to her? I'm sure we could find a way to contact her once everything has settled down…” 

Genji bit his lip, not quite sure if he wanted that. As much as he was glad she was okay, he was wary of her knowing where he was. Would she send someone after him? Overwatch was gone now- would there be a point to sending anyone after him? 

He knew it was unreasonable. He didn't want to think like this, yet he couldn't stop. 

A squeeze to his hands once more brought him out of his head. He focused back on Zenyatta, still lying in front of him. 

“We will think about that later, then. For now, I believe you need more sleep.” 

Genji pouted, but couldn't argue. He could still try, however. “What if I'm not tired now?” 

Zenyatta laughed, “Then I would have to call you out on lying.” 

Genji stuck his tongue out- childish, but hell, he was tired and emotionally wrung out. It just made Zenyatta laugh again. 

“Oh dear, has anyone ever told you that you are very cute, Genji?” 

He stuttered, blind sided by Zenyatta’s words. He felt suddenly self conscious, this whole time he'd forgotten his visor was off. But Zenyatta's sincerity made him answer honestly. 

“I uh- not since before the… incident happened.” 

There was a pause, Genji feared that he ruined the light attitude they had barely begun to gain, when he heard Zenyatta hum. “How unfortunate, clearly I must take up this mantle then. I'm sure if I tell you how cute you are every day, it'll make up the lost time.” 

Genji couldn't help it, he laughed brightly at how absurd the whole situation was. 

“And what a lovely laugh as well. A shame you hide this bright smile from everyone.” 

He laughed again, a little more hysterical, as tears began to fall from his eyes. Zenyatta pulled him in, holding him as he began to sob. 

He fell asleep like this- wrapped up in Zenyatta’s arms, feeling lighter now than he had in weeks.


End file.
